The Songs We Knew As Children

I write books as well as songs. I play the word processor, I play the guitar.

I’ve been doing what I call “art shit” since I was a teenager—

(This story will be told in the second memoir, which comes out in late June).

Cleaning out an external drive, I came upon songs I recorded when I was 19. What I lacked in skill, I made up for in pretentiousness: I took myself far too seriously back then.

Honestly, I cringed as I listened to those old recordings. I was an insecure child putting up a front—

Fortunately I’ve grown a lot since then.

I see, and even embrace, what I ridiculous creature I am—

Back then?

No.

I would never have called what I did “art shit,” for one thing; fortunately that guy died a long time ago.

I miss him, sometimes, or miss parts of him—

The innocence, the openness…the hair.

Sometimes I sense his ghost, but only for a moment.

Quickly dissipating, back into the ether.

And “back into the ether” would have been in his lyrics back then—

Somewhere in the middle of the Bronze Age.

I remember wanting to escape the Hill, the remote place I lived when I was a teenager. And I did it, June 14th, the day after I (barely) graduated from high school. My family expected me to go to college in the fall. I did….but with almost no effort. I had other ideas. I wanted to do music, form a band. So I did. I couldn’t sing or play an instrument but I’d been writing (pretentious) lyrics for a few years.

This whole story is told in See The Stars They’re Shining Bright which will be out this summer. (Points if you can guess the band I’m referencing).

This is where we come from, before we are fully formed.

We move to a bigger town the day after graduating high school.

There are all these plans: Get a job, buy a car, hopefully find someone to date—

But just because you have plans doesn't mean they’ll come to fruition;

When you’re still a child, groping in the dark, no idea how to proceed.

That certainly was me back then.

But I did it, I screwed up a lot, but I slowly created my own life.

Started a band called Gothic Tremor.

Do you think about those days often?

Can you put yourself in the head of 18 year old you?

It’s hard, isn't it?

That was the biggest challenge in writing the second memoir.

And the first one, The Bad Kids, which has been out three months.

If you enjoy what I put up, you should check it out.

Thanks for being here, IDD...