Illusions

The Hill

I grew up around sociopaths and low rent conmen. 

I grew up around wealthy people in the third richest county in the United States. The house I lived in recently sold for two million dollars. If you saw it you’d think I grew up with money and privilege.

No, we had old cars, normal clothes, struggled to pay bills.

The house on the Hill was an illusion.

My father lived in Sausalito on a houseboat. His neighbors were genuinely wealthy, had nice cars and clothes—

They were happier than the other people in my life, right?

The money set them free of all the concerns of normal working people…right?

No. Everyone wanted the prize that was their money. They were the target of scams and fretted over taxes and lawsuits.

They understood their money was an illusion and it could drift off at any moment like the fog on the San Francisco Bay.

When I was a kid, the details of their worries were over my head, I could just tell they weren’t any happier than the people who struggled to make ends meet.

Maybe the working class people were actually happier, not having to deal with all the problems money brings.

I grew up around sociopaths and low rent conmen. I saw their clumsy games; even if I didn’t get the nuance I could perceive their hunger—

Looking for openings and loopholes, getting in on a sweet deal that required little effort.

Riding an illusion to happiness.

I am currently working on my memoirs so I am reliving all my memories of hustlers and the people they tried to hustle.

Of people who belonged on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and others who were on the edge of the set, trying to get a walk on role.

I miss Marin, it’s like the set of an easy going comedy where normal people somehow live in million dollar houses.

A beautiful safe place I can’t afford to live in---

But I experienced it, I’ve spent time in Tiburon and Mill Valley and Ross. I went to a high school where kids got BMWs for their sixteenth birthday.

Me, I rode the Valley Bus with the other poor kids—

Rode it out to the castle on the Hill where I lived and still dream about.

Like a dream, that house was an illusion, it took just took me years to understand that.