Less Fear/Fear Less

Normally, these blogs will be every Tuesday; you are getting this one a day ahead because this Tuesday I am going to be on the road.

I write this from prison. Not a literal prison, I was not convicted of a crime, I can leave her anytime I want—theorhetically. The prison is fear; maybe you’re doing time yourself, most of us are. We live in a time when it is easy to be driven by fear with all the political and economic uncertainty—the “news” and our social media feeds are constantly shoving it down our throats—

And we choose to swallow it.

Perhaps a better option would be to accept less fear and fear less.

I am in a rut, a rut I dug out myself. I have a decent job I am grateful for, an apartment that has become my home of thirteen months. Things are stable and, again, I understand how fortunate I am for that and am grateful…

I am also not growing, not having new experiences: There’s my job and then fitting in whatever art projects I can fit in the margins. My two to three days off I can only drive as far as places I’ve been dozens of times. Obviously I love those places, but driving cross country or even to the Dakotas is not feasible. I’ve never been to Europe or Vietnam or Australia, I’ve never even driven across Canada or been to Mexico. Part of this is because I’ve either had the time but not the money (or vice versa), part is fear. If I just quit my job and my apartment, what would I have to come back to? I couldn’t live out of my car, it’s fine to travel in and sleep in the back for a couple of days but live out of? No—

Best to stick with what you have, stability, uncertainty is something to fear.

This is what The Amercian Outback books are about, understanding that one’s fear is part of the problem; it’s what keeps us from having more experiences, learning more about the world and ourselves. No Signal is about my time living in a minivan, four years that changed me dramatically. I was fearless then. It wasn’t all fun and exploring, there is a definite downside to living out of a vehicle, but when you do it the experience is liberating; you come to understand what a resilient and resourceful person you are. First, though, you have to fear less.

Fear sells papers, gets clicks on websites: The economy is crashing! Trump is stealing your rights! Another world war is around the corner! Our news and social media feeds are there with a big spoon dripping with terror and we open our mouths. Maybe the economy will drop a deuce, perhaps Illiterate Mussolini is a despot, possibly events will lead to global clashes—

But our living in fear will have no effect on these things.

If you bought something to live in and travel out of and quit your job next month would it be stupid? Brave? Reckless? 

The real question is not what could possibly be the downside, it’s taking a hard look at why you wouldn’t do such a thing.

Most likely the reason is fear.

I am not suggesting that you discard the stability in your life, in uncertain times the desire to have a solid center is understanable.

I am not suggesting there is nothing to be concerned about in 2025, there definitely is.

Rather, I am recommending you accept less fear in your life and fear less.

Maybe you have a good reason for staying with your good job, in the same town you’ve been in for years—

Fear is not a good reason.

Maybe you never travel out to the middle of bumfuck nowhere because you fear a bunch of MAGA types with assault rifles will molest your person and disrespect your personal pronouns.

Perhaps you never come here to Portland because you fear shoddy transvestites will force you eat to kale and drink overpriced coffee drinks and the streets are littered with syringes.

Fear.

May 17th marked five years since I left Portland in my slapped together minivan home. I wrote about this in No Signal, but I remember when the fear hit me. It was my first day out and I was driving down this forest road. I had done a shit job building out the van and everything was creaking and falling off shelves and—

What the absolute fuck have I gotten myself into?

The first few days on the road were filled with doubt…and fear. Living out of a vehicle there is a massive learning curve, figuring out how to cook, finding bathrooms, sleeping in public spaces when you’re used to having an apartment or a house—

But then you get past it, you adapt, because we all have this tough/adapatable/resourceful person inside us.

And it changes the way you look at the world because you are now confident, this is what getting past your fear does—conquering your fear.

What are your really afraid of? Break it down, find a book or a video done by someone who got past the same fear.

Get past your fear—have concerns, even have worries, but don’t let fear into your life because fear is something you possess and then it possesses you….