Learning to Fear the Dentist

One of my teeth has gone awry. For some people this just an inconvience, a day or two of pain. For some people it's this massive wall to clambor over, a wall made of dread. I am in the latter catagory, maybe you are as well. All of us—fearful and not fearful—can agree that time at the dentist is unplesant; only a few sick bastards actually like it—

But why are just some of us rendered completely neurotic when it is time to deal with dental issues? When I was younger I had deep anxiety about appendicitis. How did I get past it? I came to understand that my fear was due to it being a situation completely outside my own control, something I couldn’t fix myself. I am aware it could be the same thing with the dentist—but that doesn’t stop the dread I feel.

Aside from the dentist, I am generally fearless. I could get up on stage in front of hundreds of people without a thought—

While some of you who think nothing of visiting the dentist are terrified of performing in public.

Isn’t it funny how we trade off fears like that?

Some people love mushrooms, would be happy having them with every meal. I think they’re fucking disgusting.

I love gin, to me a good martini is pretty much straight gin. To some people, drinking gin is like drinking rubbing alcohol.

It fascinates me, these differences in people. Our mental make-up and genetics, as well.

I remember when I was a kid there was this “health guru” named Jim Fixx. He ate all the right foods, exercised, all that healthy person stuff you’re supposed to do—

And he dropped dead of a heart attack aged 40. While jogging.

And then you have Keith Richards, still going strong at 81.

It’s all about genetics. Maybe Fixx’s body didn’t want that healthy food, obviously Richards has an incredible consititution.

I think being fascinated by things keeps you youthful. Not young, necessarily, but youthful. I feel fortunate that even at 57 I still find the world fascinating, all the differences in people including the differences in people as they age from teenagers to adults. My big project these past few months has been writing about my life from age ten to thirty-two. It isn’t hard to remember events, I have a good memory, what is challenging though is remembering my motivations, what I felt. I am not the same person I was at 18 or even 30—I’m sure it’s the same with you.  Life changes us, each major experience like being fired or having your heart broken or finding the love of your life or a place that feels like home—all those things change us, reshape us. The last major change I had was living out of the van for a few years, which is covered in my book No Signal.

Some of these blogs get twenty views, some only get a handful. I have no idea what you want, maybe it changes week to week. Most weeks, honestly, I am not motivated to crank one out every Tuesday. But I keep doing it, keep rolling up messages, stuffing them in a bottle, and tossing them beyond the waves—

I don’t know, though. Is this worth the effort? Do more than one or two people actually read this? Should I write about books I’m working on about the world at large? I have no idea….